Microspeak Universal Translator
Reversing the "Spin"

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"Microspeak" is basically a description of what Microsoft wants people to think of when a certain word is spoken or seen in print. The "Real Meaning" of a word is what the Microsoft folks really know about the product or company involved, but will never admit publicly.


Microspeak: a product used by a tiny group of zealots.
Real Meaning: a non-Microsoft product.
Usage: "Microsoft decided not to support any of the *alternative* platforms with Office2000."
Agenda: To subtly imply that only Microsoft products can ever be considered mainstream standards.
Microspeak: teetering on the brink of doom; certain to be discontinued.
Real Meaning: a non-Microsoft product with a stable, long-term user base.
Usage: "Competitors such as IBM and Apple may not continue to support their *beleaguered* operating systems."
Agenda: To imply that alternatives to Microsoft are doomed; to make continued support of quality alternatives seem foolhardy and out-of-touch.
Microspeak: an unintentional flaw; a programming error.
Real Meaning: an intentional program feature that suddenly causes public relations problems.
Usage: "Microsoft spokesmen quickly labeled the complex tracking of private serial numbers as a software *bug*."
Agenda: To falsely classify a willful abuse of programming logic as an accidental occurrence in hopes of appearing innocent.
Microspeak: progress, improvement, or innovation; new opportunities.
Real Meaning: errors, bugs, and defects which cause random failures and unexpected problems.
Usage: "Managing *change* will be a vital skill in the twenty-first century."
Agenda: To hide the shoddy, defective nature of Microsoft products by mislabeling the randomness of these products as unrecognized and underappreciated progress.
Microspeak: open to a variety of software platforms and products.
Real Meaning: operates only with Windows.
Usage: "The video card manufacturers scrambled to produce *compatible* software drivers."
Agenda: To plant the false idea that interoperability with Windows is the sole criterion for product interface design.
Microspeak: hesitation based on ignorance.
Real Meaning: freedom of choice.
Usage: "There is still a surprising amount of *confusion* in the marketplace; some people don't know whether to buy Windows or OS/2."
Agenda: To make people stop thinking about their choices and just automatically accept Microsoft products.
Microspeak: provider of innovative computerized solutions for business needs.
Real Meaning: lockstep mouthpiece promoting Microsoft's short-term business band-aids.
Usage: "Several *consultants* displayed their WindowsNT-based products to the crowd."
Agenda: To falsely imply that sellers of Microsoft products actually make up their minds about what to recommend after "consulting" with their intended victims.
Microspeak: software that runs on several different operating systems.
Real Meaning: software that runs on two different Windows versions.
Usage: "Microsoft believes the J++ development environment is the best *cross-platform* solution."
Agenda: To fool developers into locking themselves out of the Microsoft-free development world.
Microspeak: PC endusers.
Real Meaning: PC manufacturers.
Usage: "We got where we are today by listening to our *customers*."
Agenda: To make people think that Microsoft cares about increasing quality instead of just quantity.
Microspeak: disappeared; no longer in use.
Real Meaning: a product that does not have monopoly market share.
Usage: "It's only a matter of time before Netscape Navigator is *dead*."
Agenda: To make everyone think that as soon as a Microsoft product is leveraged into a high market share, all the alternatives instantly vaporize.
Microspeak: crestfallen, saddened, humbled.
Real Meaning: planning for revenge.
Usage: "We at Microsoft are *disappointed* that Sun decided not to cooperate with us."
Agenda: To imply that Microsoft accepts setbacks gracefully; to hide Microsoft's spiteful hatred of courageous competitors.
Microspeak: to inform by imparting knowledge or insight.
Real Meaning: to brainwash.
Usage: "Microsoft staffers went on a nationwide campaign tour to *educate* the public and the media."
Agenda: To flood the public and the media with so many lies that any recent discoveries about Microsoft corruption are quickly forgotten.
Faithful (noun, plural)
Microspeak: a group of people who use a non-Microsoft platform out of mindless, pseudo-religious belief instead of based on a carefully reasoned study of alternatives.
Real Meaning: satisfied customers of non-Microsoft products.
Usage: "The recent Sun conference was a gathering of 20,000 of the Java *faithful*."
Agenda: To falsely imply that to prefer any platform other than Windows is a form of religion instead of a technology choice.
Microspeak: a software attribute or capability intentionally designed and implemented.
Real Meaning: an accidental programming error that causes problems for Windows users.
Usage: "The failure to purge older information from the database application was classified as a *feature* by the Microsoft press release."
Agenda: To attempt to hide the error-prone, bug-ridden nature of Microsoft products by telling PC users that they don't understand the software they use.
Microspeak: to invent or to create new products.
Real Meaning: to leverage new markets.
Usage: "Microsoft must be left free of regulation so that we can continue to *innovate*."
Agenda: To hide Microsoft's copycat strategy of absorbing other companies' flagship products and flooding the market with cheap knock-offs.
Microspeak: unjust government intervention in a free market.
Real Meaning: government regulation to ensure honest business practices.
Usage: "The last thing the American public needs is *interference* in the PC marketplace."
Agenda: To make people think that all government regulatory action is unfair and unreasonable.
Microspeak: easy to learn and use; obvious to all potential users.
Real Meaning: requires discarding all past knowledge and experience and starting over.
Usage: "Microsoft's interface is obviously *intuitive* or else people wouldn't use it."
Agenda: To hide Microsoft's planned obsolescence of each generation of its products; to hide the time-wasting nature of Microsoft's sub-optimal user interface designs.
ISV (Independent Software Vendor)
Microspeak: a software developer participating in a free market.
Real Meaning: DSV (Dependent Software Vendor); a company Microsoft cultivates for later harvesting its assets.
Usage: "Hundreds of *ISV*s have prospered by developing for the Windows platform."
Agenda: To hide the fact that Windows developers are both dependent on Microsoft for survival, as well as doomed to eventual absorption into some Microsoft product.
Legacy System
Microspeak: older model; obsolete technology; equipment leftovers from previous infrastructure.
Real Meaning: non-Microsoft product.
Usage: "Windows PCs are often used to replace *legacy systems*."
Agenda: To falsely brand non-Microsoft products as obsolete relics.
Microspeak: specifically permitted by a formal statute of law.
Real Meaning: unregulated.
Usage: "We believe we are operating in a perfectly *legal* fashion."
Agenda: To falsely imply that Microsoft has never broken any laws; to imply that all lawsuits against Microsoft are without legal basis because Microsoft is above the law.
Microspeak: one of several equally-viable software choices in a free market.
Real Meaning: Microsoft-approved product.
Usage: "Most *mainstream* products are available only on the Windows platform."
Agenda: To imply that monopoly conditions are a natural result of free markets.
Microspeak: convincing potential customers to buy your product.
Real Meaning: historical revisionism, written in advance.
Usage: "Microsoft's superior *marketing* is a key factor in its success."
Agenda: To downplay the role of fearmongering and self-fulfilling prophecy in the demise of alternative products.
Microspeak: the "free market"; unfettered capitalism; freedom of choice.
Real Meaning: the distribution channel controlled by Microsoft.
Usage: "Our opponents have chosen to fight us in court instead of in the *marketplace*."
Agenda: To brand Microsoft's competitors as cowards; to imply that lawsuits are an act of desperation instead of merely a request for law enforcement action.
Microspeak: vitally important to the success of a business enterprise.
Real Meaning: key entry point for Microsoft to leverage and exert control over a corporate customer.
Usage: "Surely you will want to use Microsoft's NT for your *mission-critical* infrastructure, won't you?"
Agenda: To falsely imply that Microsoft cares about the future success and data integrity of its corporate customers.
Microspeak: comfortable; requiring minimal adjustment; ergonomically sound.
Real Meaning: baffling; unusual; requiring relearning of acquired skills.
Usage: "Microsoft sells a variety of user-friendly devices such as the *Natural* Keyboard."
Agenda: To control the workforce by retraining workers to use only Microsoft-approved man-machine interfaces.
Microspeak: innovative; creative; original.
Real Meaning: recycled.
Usage: "Microsoft will introduce several *new* products at this year's Comdex show."
Agenda: To deceive people into thinking that Microsoft invents things instead of just copying things.
Niche Product
Microspeak: a software product which appeals only to a narrow demographic audience.
Real Meaning: a competing product that Microsoft has failed to destroy despite vigorous attempts.
Usage: "OS/2 is not really a replacement for Windows; it's just a *niche product*."
Agenda: To allow Microsoft to silently admit failure while simultaneously marginalizing the competing product in preparation for future assaults.
Microspeak: a school, a church, or a charitable organization deserving of price breaks.
Real Meaning: an undercapitalized target company that cannot afford to defend itself in court.
Usage: "Microsoft believes in offering significant discounts to help *non-profits* improve their computing capabilities."
Agenda: To hide Microsoft's greed and powerlust behind a hypocritical false front of being a kinder, gentler company.
Microspeak: equally accessible to all customers and programmers.
Real Meaning: a Microsoft product in a growth/takeover phase.
Usage: "Microsoft believes in providing *open* computing solutions."
Agenda: To provide partially-documented products during a market-share grab, to be closed later when the alternatives have withered.
Operating System
Microspeak: an innovative new computer breakthrough.
Real Meaning: the latest repackaged adjustment of Windows.
Usage: "Microsoft is planning to release the new *operating system* later this year."
Agenda: To hide the fact that Microsoft is simply repackaging the same old obsolete products.
Microspeak: a fellow innovator.
Real Meaning: a pawn; a sacrificial lamb.
Usage: "Several major software developers felt the need to become Microsoft *partners*."
Agenda: To falsely imply that cooperation with Microsoft is a two-way street with long-term benefits.
Microspeak: desired by the buying public.
Real Meaning: force-fed to the public via a distribution monopoly.
Usage: "Windows is the most *popular* PC operating system."
Agenda: To make people think that Microsoft products are chosen willfully instead of by exclusion of alternatives.
Microspeak: improved worker performance; more work in less time.
Real Meaning: unpaid overtime.
Usage: "Getting workers to use Office on their home PC's is a great way to increase *productivity*."
Agenda: To fool workers into accepting unpaid overtime assignments to make up for time lost due to Windows-induced problems at work.
Microspeak: locked-in to a closed architecture held captive by an old-fashioned company.
Real Meaning: a non-Microsoft product offered by a well-established competitor.
Usage: "Windows provides an alternative to *proprietary* architectures."
Agenda: To hide the fact that Microsoft offers only closed architectures that are proprietary to, and therefore held captive by, Microsoft itself.
Microspeak: irrational, emotional attachment to a product solely because it is not from Microsoft.
Real Meaning: supported by a devoted group of users who recognize the superiority of the product.
Usage: "People who use Mac or OS/2 or Linux are really just carrying on a *religious* war against Microsoft; freedom of choice is just an excuse."
Agenda: To falsely brand supporters of non-Microsoft products as ignorant, narrow-minded zealots.
Microspeak: laboratory experiments to improve software products.
Real Meaning: laboratory experiments to make advertisements more effective.
Usage: "Microsoft plans to spend over $2 billion this year on *research*."
Agenda: To fool people into thinking that Microsoft innovates instead of merely copying; to hide Microsoft's practice of using marketing to brainwash people.
Microspeak: people who chose Microsoft products after evaluating multiple alternatives.
Real Meaning: ignorant; uninformed; deluded by Microsoft into avoiding superior alternatives.
Usage: "Internet Explorer is used by many of Microsoft's *satisfied* customers."
Agenda: To fool people into thinking that decisions to use Microsoft products are based on informed choice instead of enforced ignorance.
Microspeak: you can keep adding hardware to make your system better.
Real Meaning: you must keep adding hardware to keep the system from collapsing.
Usage: "The trading company chose NT because of the perception that it was *scalable*."
Agenda: To hide Microsoft's pandering to hardware manufacturers; to hide the fact that Microsoft products are actually *not* scalable on a per-unit basis.
Microspeak: fulfillment of business requirements; successful implementation of technology.
Real Meaning: access to enterprise cash flow.
Usage: "We offer a variety of *solutions* to fit your business needs."
Agenda: To imply that Microsoft products solve problems instead of causing them.
Microspeak: willingly accepted by all.
Real Meaning: a Microsoft product in a monopoly/consolidation phase.
Usage: "Windows is the industry *standard* operating system for personal computers."
Agenda: To deceive people into thinking that Microsoft products are accepted because of some assumed openness or excellence instead of due to ignorance and monopoly leverage.
Microspeak: a product or a platform that allows customers to leverage their IT investment.
Real Meaning: a product or a platform that allows Microsoft to control how IT capital is invested.
Usage: "We must stop using AS/400 computers immediately, as they are not a *strategic* platform."
Agenda: To mislead corporate buyers into moving away from reliable, long-term solutions based on Microsoft-free products.
Microspeak: a danger or an obstacle to corporate success.
Real Meaning: an alternative solution.
Usage: "UNIX poses a real *threat* to most Windows NT shops."
Agenda: To frighten uninformed corporate decisionmakers away from superior alternatives to the mediocrity of Microsoft.
Microspeak: ignorant of technology.
Real Meaning: aware of Microsoft's product mediocrity.
Usage: "We will never allow *uninformed* people to make decisions for us."
Agenda: To label people who prefer non-Microsoft products as ignorant buffoons.
Microspeak: an improvement; an increase in capabilities, performance, or usability.
Real Meaning: a release candidate chosen for marketing to initiate a new sales cycle.
Usage: "Windows98 is an *upgrade* to the popular Windows95 operating system."
Agenda: To imply that the decision to market a Microsoft product is based on product specifications instead of merely cash flow requirements.
Microspeak: easy; enjoyable to use; natural.
Real Meaning: childish; overbearing; employing flashy self-advertising in an attempt to comfort frustrated PC users.
Usage: "Windows provides a *user-friendly* environment for novice computer users."
Agenda: To hide the Microsoft neurological agenda of brainwashing PC users into compliant, obedient fools.



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